I´m 21 and feel like I´m losing myself. I had 2 jobs lined up this summer that I needed badly and now it looks like I´m not going to get either one. I needed the money to pay bills, have spending money and to use for when I go back to school. I need at least one of the job and can´t believe it seems like both are no lost causes. I´m in credit card debt and my dad is mad because his name is on the account as well. He said he refuses to ruin his good credit and won´t let even me make that possible. He said he´ll take his name off the account and leave me in debt alone. A year or so ago, I had a masturbation addiction that I thought I got past, but now it´s back and it´s strong. I feel like an empty shell of self. I want to be happy but can´t. I got mad at God. I felt like my life is going to hell while my ex girlfriend is prospering. She is being blessed and I´m not, it feels like. She was just as mean to me as I was to her, if not more, yet she´s working, partying, possibly even having sex with other people and I´m not. Meanwhile, I met my dream girl and I want is for things to work out and it seems like it´s not right now. I love her and just want it to work, Lord. Please. I need it. I´ve contemplated suicide, but couldn´t bring myself to do it. I´m scared about where my life is headed and I just wish things would look up. I´m depressed and things are rough, but I´m sorry for masturbating, having hate in my heart, jealousy, and for blaming God. I´m sorry Lord. I just want my life back. I´m sorry. I´ve distanced myself from you and it was stupid and I´m sorry.